Don’t F*ck With Me

My name is Henk Rogers. I’m generally a gentle person that gets along with just about everyone. I’ve never hit anyone in my life.

I’m the guy who brought Tetris to the world. You can enjoy my adventure to Moscow in 1989 in the movie “Tetris” on AppleTV+. After my computer game career I became an active environmentalist.

I came back from COP28 in Dubai a week ago. My mission is to end the use of carbon based fuel. The mission of my non-profit, the Blue Planet Alliance, is to end the use of carbon based fuel by 2045. No deadline. No result. That's why I was at COP28. I was there to put an end to the Climate Crisis.

I went to Junior High School and High School in New York City (Our Lady of Sorrows, Corona and Stuyvesant, Manhattan on 15th and 1st.) I’m back in the city after roaming the world for decades. I would say that I’m a New Yorker.

My girlfriend Lisa and I went to dinner with a good friend, Beverly. We were to meet at Fiorello’s, a classic Italian restaurant across the street from Lincoln Center at 6:00. It’s Beverly’s favorite haunt as she lives around the corner and it’s the best and closest restaurant for her.

As usual, Lisa and I rode our electric assist e-bikes (fancy Trek bicycles). We ride bikes instead of taking cabs or Ubering for environmental reasons. It was December so it was cold, but not cold enough to keep us from riding. We lived on 43rd and 11th. It was mostly a straight shot up 10th and its new bicycle lane, right on 62nd, right again on Columbus, left on 63rd, left on Broadway and two blocks to Fiorello’s.

The Christmas lights at Lincoln Center were gorgeous. We parked our bikes right outside the restaurant. I think it was the pole that supported a “NO STOPPING” sign. As usual, I put my U-Bolt around the pole and around the pipe that goes from under my saddle to under my handle bars. To the U-Bolt I attached two cables, one through the solid metal vertical tubes on both bikes, the other through both front tires. It seemed secure enough. There was a constant flow of people walking by. Cars stopped to let people off or pick people up in the “NO STOPPING” zone.

Fiorello’s was packed. We sat outside in the Covid plastic covered greenhouse seating which New York City has decided to make permanent. Overhead heaters kept the situation from being unbearable.

We got a seat in the corner closest to the street. I could see our bikes from there, about 50’ from where I was sitting. It was hard to see them through the plastic as it distorted the image of the bikes. Also there was that constant flow of people between me and the bikes. I tried looking at them from time to time, but they seemed fine every time I looked.

I ordered eggplant parmesan with a side of spaghetti and had a fake beer. We spent the time downloading our experience at COP28 in Dubai to Beverly. I had 15 speaking engagements. I sponsored two events, a 300 people reception for island leaders and a 40 people Jeffersonian Dinner (each person got 90 seconds to tell everyone who they were and what they did). We signed an agreement with the President of Palau and the Prime Minister of Curacao that starts to put them on the path to 100% renewable energy.

In the end it was no to dessert but yes to hot chocolate. So, we took our merry time. We left the restaurant, said our goodbyes, and went out to where we had left our bicycles.

Holy smokes!! Lisa’s bike was gone! The cables were neatly cut with what must have been massive bolt cutters. My bike with the Dead Bolt was still there, unharmed. We were both going, “shit!” We knew that this kind of thing happens regularly in NY, so we should not be surprised. Lisa was going through a bit of negative emotion. I was thinking, “It’s just stuff.” Should we call the cops? It seemed like a waste of time. It would just be a report.

We spent a couple of minutes thinking about how stupid we were to trust the cables. We would learn from this. I would make sure that both bikes would be dead bolted next time. We were just getting to the point of calling Lisa an Uber to get back home when I remembered something. I had put an Apple AirTag in the depths of the bag attached to the rear of her bike rack. We quickly turned on the “Find My” app. Her bike was on 68th and 12th.

I said, “Call 911 and keep calling me with updated information about the location of the bike.”

I jumped on my bike and headed for 68th and12th on the bicycle path. I didn’t find anyone. “Refresh the app, maybe it will pick up a new location,” I said.
 
After a while, we got a new location, 66th street! Just two blocks from me. I was there in no time. Again, nobody. After some back and forth, I got a new location, 66th between 12th and 11th. I headed that way in “hot pursuit.” I crossed the Hudson River Greenway (12th) and rode into 66th.

There they were! Two guys. One standing next to an electric Citi Bike the other standing next to Lisa’s red Trek. It was a dark street with no people. I didn't relish the idea of confronting two guys in a dark alley. The bike was definitely not worth me getting hurt. I passed them by and turned into a parking lot half way down the block. I called Lisa and told her to send the cops to 66th between 12th and 11th and take an Uber to where I was.

Lisa was there before the cops came. She waited at the corner of 66th and 11th, having given 911 that as the meeting place. Where are the cops when you need them? I guess they have more important things to do than catching bike thieves. After a while, the pair took off in the direction of the Greenway.

Lisa and I joined up and tried to figure out which way they went, uptown or downtown. It took awhile, but finally we got our answer. They were near Horatio–downtown I took off again. I headed down the Empire State Trail, the bike path that parallels the Greenway.

The next location was two blocks past the Little Island, a park built on stilts in the Hudson River near 12th street. I rode past the island and passed the spot on the map Lisa had sent me (a screenshot of the Find My app). Nobody there. I rode all around the place. Nothing. I thought that maybe they had thrown out the bag, so I spent time looking for it in the bushes. Nothing.
I got the next set of coordinates. Warren street. That’s a block past the new Stuyvesant building on Chambers Street. I flew down the Trail past my alma mater. They were supposed to be a half a block from the Greenway. I turned right on Warren to search for them. Nothing.

“Are they on the river side of Warren or the other side?” I asked.
“They are on the other side between Barnes & Noble and Whole Foods,” Lisa said.

I crossed the Greenway and slowly pedaled down Warren. Past Barnes & Noble. Nothing. All the way to the corner. Still nothing. I turned the corner onto Greenwich. There, in front of a store next to Tribeca Whole Foods, was Lisa’s bike. I rode over to it and dismounted. I looked around. It was a very wide sidewalk. There were some people, but I didn’t see the guys. For some reason, they had taken the bag off the back and hung it on the handle bars.

I proceeded to take the bag off the handle bars and started working on attaching it back to the luggage rack on the back. All of a sudden I looked up. There was a guy headed straight for me, a white guy mid thirties, beanie, green jacket and blue jeans. He was about my height and build, but half my age.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he said in a menacing way, acting like I was about to steal his bike.

I could feel the adrenaline coursing through my blood vessels. It’s the fight or flight hormone. I had to choose. Fight or flee? At this point my instinct took over.

I noticed that there were some people just entering Whole Foods at that moment. I yelled at the top of my lungs “YOU STOLE MY GIRLFRIEND’S BIKE! DON’T FUCK WITH ME!!”

The people who continued entering Whole Foods acted like we were not even there. So much for backup.

The guy, startled at my reaction, stopped in his tracks, turned around and went back to a distant bench where his buddy was waiting. From there, they took off.

I moved the bikes into Whole Foods, just inside the entrance, by the shopping carts. From there I went inside to get warm. I hadn’t been prepared for a long night biking in the cold. I could see the bikes from the fresh vegetable section. I called Lisa and told her to Uber her way to Tribeca Whole Foods.

Next time each of us do a deadbolt. Also, it might be better to have two AirTags, one in the bag and one somewhere else on the bike. I might just need a taser or bear spray. Just in case.

Oh, and in the end, they got Lisa’s gloves.